Don’t Freak Out

My job today is not to freak out.

An annoying little tune erupts from my Android, waking me.  Drat.  I usually silence all sounds except the alarm when I go to bed.

The tinny jingle indicates an email.  I unplug my cell, touch the email app and peer at 4 point font.  Squinting does not help.  I rummage in my nightstand for a pair of glasses.  Immediately I am wide awake and sitting up.

My friend was in the Aurora, Colorado, theatre last night when a gunman killed twelve people.  She and her boyfriend crawled to safety.

 I call her family member, remind her to take homeopathic Aconite for shock and seeing the unacceptable.

I remember Columbine.  I was in Safeway when someone told me about the tragedy.  My grandsons’ school district.  I was anxious until I found out all the surrounding schools had been closed and “my” kids were safe at home.

I remember 9/11.  My son had been in Manhattan the day before.  He would go the day after.

I feel sad.

I go to an Al-Anon meeting where I remember I have no control over nouns:  persons , places, things.  I certainly have no control over the horrific atrocities that occur.  What do I have control over?  My perceptions of reality.

I am reminded to connect to my own Higher Power, to stay in the moment, to be aware, to take nothing for granted, to be filled with gratitude for every precious day on t he planet.

Still, I am sad.  I own the feeling and celebrate having it.  For many decades I masked my emotions so even now when I’m feeling them, and it is not pleasant, I’m glad to be in touch.

Peaceful music plays now as soft rain falls on my garden.  Once I was told when I’m  upset to help others.  Tonight I will serve wine for a family night at an Alzheimer’s facility.

What do you do when Mercury is retrograde and Pluto is exhaling a hurricane of ancient blockages?

For now, to you, Dear Reader, I send blessings and gratitude.

One comment

  1. tsena · July 21, 2012

    this is sad… thank you for sharing. you inspire me: i really like this line: “I have no control over nouns: persons, places, things” and i might have to steal it for a poem 🙂 … other than that…your blessings are felt by all and forwarded on…

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